Sunday, December 27, 2009

Episode 27: WWHSD?

Apparently, the Ivory Theatre is being used for theatre so infrequently that it's actually becoming a church again -- The King is Coming Christian Church.

Shakespeare himself couldn't have come up with a stranger on-going drama...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Episode 26: It's Alive!

It's true! Horror Show is mounting yet another Patsy Cline show! The folks who brought us A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline in 2008 refuse to return after all the abuse and dishonesty they encountered at the Ivory. And I'm told the people who control the other Cline show, Forever Patsy Cline, talked to the folks who did the first production and decided they did not want to be involved with Horror Show in any way. So now she's either found or written a third Cline show, this time called Sweet Dreams of Patsy.

Anybody wanna lay bets on whether she has the legal performnace rights to the Cline catalog? I bet she doesn't... Remember, she approached Cline's husband about creating a new piece and he said No.

Here's the audition notice for the show posted last month on

The IVORY Theatre, in association with Perrino Productions LLC is producing SWEET DREAMS OF PATSY—a new musical theatre tribute to PATSY CLINE. Because of its success at the IVORY in 2008, it is being mounted again due to high public demand.
Now here is the first Big Lie. This show was not at the Ivory in 2008 and is not being mounted "again."

Casting Equity and/or non-Equity actors. All roles are paid positions.
PERFORMANCE DATES: Preview weekend: January 28, 29, 30, 31; (4 shows)
FEBRUARY 2 - 7 (8 shows);
FEBRUARY 9 - 14 (8 shows);

OWEN BRADLEY Actor: Middle-age 1950’s Nashville businessman.
MOTHER Actress: Late 50’s.
AUTHER GODFREY Actor: 1950’s television host.
MINNIE PEARL Actress/comedian/singer. Late 30’s, country femaleGrand Ole' Opry.

Auditions by “appointment only” at the IVORY Theatre -- December 1st – 4p.m.-6p.m.. Bring a short monologue. We’ll also have you read a section of the script/cold reading. Please schedule your audition by email to: if you are serious about auditioning and cannot make this date, please email your conflict to us and we will try to reschedule you at a later time.
And I have to ask (because it's so much fun) why "appointment only" is in quotes -- does she mean it ironically or sarcastically?

I'll be amazed if this thing ever actually makes it to the stage. How many Ivory-related projects has Horror Show started but never finished? Let's see... the children's troupe, the classes, the outdoor jazz concerts...

The saga continues.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Episode 25: How to Humiliate the Actors

Heard about this earlier this week...

This new story comes from someone who was actually in the audience for this latest insanity from Crazy Ol' Horror Show...

Family Musical Theatre, the community theatre that is still trapped at the Ivory (in fact, the only company still working there regularly), was producing A Chorus Line. Near the end of one performance (that we know of), Horror Show placed herself down in front of the stage, over to one side, where she was completely visible to the audience, from which she watched the show's finale. That's bad enough...

Then the minute the finale is over, Horror Show pivots and turns to the audience, still down in front of the stage -- this is her show now! And throughout the entire curtain call, she's clapping loudly, like Tinkerbell is gonna die if she stops, but even worse, she is gesturing for the audience to get up and give the show a standing ovation. She's screaming at the top of her lungs, "Stand up! Stand up! Aren't they great?" And she actually forces the audience to give the show a standing O. No shit.

I hear the FMT people were outraged and made it clear to her that she is never to do that again. Except we all know she will... It makes me think she's never been in a damn theatre before this!

She really needs to see a professional. Or at least be one.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Episode 24: Memories of Bad Management

This forwarded email showed up in my in-box this a.m. --

Steve Davis (Memories of Elvis) was supposed to do three shows at the Ivory last year, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. [Horror Show] told him they would publicize it and they didn’t want him to do any publicity. Suffice it to say that they didn’t even run an ad in the Riverfront Times. Steve’s fans follow him really closely, so they know where he’s going to be, and they started calling the Ivory box office to get tickets. No one answered. For days no one answered. Steve's manager finally got [Horror Show] on the phone and asked her, and she said that there had been someone in the box office the whole time, but no one was calling to buy tickets. So Steve's manager was taking ticket orders herself from fans off of Steve’s website and then going in and buying them – like fifty at a time.

Instead of doing three full shows with full band, horns, girls, etc., he couldn’t afford to do more than the band, and for an act that can sell out the Pageant he couldn’t get tickets sold fast enough to sell out any of the performances, because the only way people could get tickets was if they asked Steve's manager for them. It was a horrible experience for Steve.
Not a surprise, though, right?

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Monday, April 13, 2009

Episode 23: Karma Is a Bitch

Just heard this through the grapevine over the weekend. Horror Show has been unable to get the rights to bring back to St. Louis A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline or to produce the other Cline tribute show, Always...Patsy Cline. It seems word has spread about the way Horror Show runs her little sandbox and no one dares to get involved with this woman.

So she decided to try a new approach...

The grapevine (and this one is usually pretty reliable) says Horror Show called Patsy Cline's husband and told him she was writing her own Patsy Cline show and needed the rights to all her songs. After all, Horror Show does write musicals (if you define "musicals" really loosely). Cline's husband asked if he could read Horror Show's script, but she refused, claiming that someone might steal it if she sent him a copy. Since she wouldn't let him see a script or tell him anything about her intentions, he refused to give her rights.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Episode 22: Never...Patsy Cline

More Patsy Cline news...

Last time I checked the Ivory Theatre website, the show Always...Patsy Cline, which was being produced by Horror Show's production company, Triangle Productions (yes, that's as in "the Bermuda Triangle," no doubt), was running at the Ivory March 11-April 12, 2009. You can still see the dates in Google's cache of that page.

But not no more!

Has Horror Show fucked up yet another show, before it even opened this time??? So she couldn't get A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline back because of all the abuse and dishonesty last year, and she instead announced this replacement production, but now that one's dead too...?

This bitch could screw up a one-car parade, I swear to God.

All she's got left is two community theatres. I remember when the Ivory was going to house professional theatre companies, when it was going to be a place to tryout new shows before New York. I remember when Horror Show was going to employ local artists to teach classes and workshops, to write new shows. There were going to be jazz concerts on the front lawn during the summer months. There was going to be a restaurant in the rectory next door where cabaret performances would happen after shows. People were going to be making money hand over fist.

Yeah, right.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Episode 21: No It Isn't.

I just stopped by the Ivory Theatre website to see if they're ever going to produce the Patsy Cline show that Horror Show had posted the audition notices for. But nope, apparently, that's a big bust just like everything else she touches.

And on the site's homepage, I noticed this little passage, which cracked me up...
The Ivory Theatre is a an exciting year-round professional theatre facility presenting a diverse calendar of musicals, dramas, comedies, concerts, cabaret performances, youth and family theatre programs, corporate functions and special events that appeal to all levels and styles of entertainment tastes.
Ummmm.... No it isn't.

It has no drama or cabaret or youth programs or corporate functions or special events anywhere on the calendar. Just community theatre. After all of Horror Show's belly-aching last year about how the Ivory is Professional and the original resident companies weren't professional enough for her, it is mildly hilarious that her only solid tenant now is a community theatre.

And just because I'm like this, I have to ask what an entertainment "level" is, anyway...? And while we're asking, what is a "style" of "entertainment tastes"?

Oops! I almost forgot -- we're talking about Horror Show here! Meaning and sense are just collateral damage in her ongoing War on Honesty and Ethics. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor