Episode 36: After Horror Show

This appeared on one of the RFT's blogs today.

THE RIVERFRONT TIMES
DAILY RFT BLOG

By the Boards
After Horror Show, Ivory Theatre is Alive and Well
By Aimee Levitt
Thu., Nov. 11 2010

The curtain is about to rise on the Ivory Theatre's second -- or third? -- act.

​As of last Friday, November 5, the homepage for the Ivory Theatre went dark, sparking rumors of the troubled theater's demise. But those rumors are unfounded says Scott Steele, the new general manager who replaced Donna Perrino, known to some in the St. Louis theater community as "the Ivory Theatre Horror Show."

"The Ivory Theatre is alive and well!" Steele informs Daily RFT.

So what about that website?

"When Donna Perrino was removed -- or whatever the term is -- when she ceased to be part of the Ivory family, we couldn't continue to use the old website," Steele explains.

And why is that?

"I can't comment on that. But we have a new website now." The Ivory's current online home is www.theivorytheatre.com.

"We're not going to become a country/western saloon, either," Steele adds. "Some people have been saying that."

Instead the Ivory will continue to show plays. Steele says its latest show, the Unity Theatre Ensemble's production of Ntozake Shange's for colored girls, was "totally sold out," and Unity has pledged to return to the Ivory in 2011. Family Musical Theater is also staging shows there. Steele has not, however, spoken to Scott Miller of New Line Theatre, one of the chief complainers about Perrino.

But the space will also be used as a performing arts center. Steele has been in talks to bring in comedians and concerts and opera and dance and live radio shows.

Says Steele, "We've put the controversy in the past. This will be huge for the Carondelet area."

Episode 35: The Incredible Disappearing Theatre

Just a quick note today...

The Ivory Theatre website has been taken down.

Just one more sad, weird chapter in this awful story.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 34: The Public Humiliation of The Horror Show

This article was posted on the Riverfront Times website today:
------------------------

THE RIVERFRONT TIMES
DAILY RFT BLOG

Curtain Goes Down on Ivory Theatre "Horror Show"
By Aimee Levitt
published: Wed., Aug. 25 2010 @ 3:39PM

​Ever since it opened three years ago, the Ivory Theatre in Carondelet has been beset by controversy. Aggrieved theater companies have accused the Ivory, specifically its general manager Donna Perrino, of negligence and general mismanagement. Among other things, Perrino was said to have reneged on agreements to let groups use the space, ignored requests for improvements and trashed the theater. (For more, see "Stage Fright: The Ivory is turning into a horror show for some St. Louis theater companies.")

But times have changed. Perrino has left her position at the Ivory. Or, as the anonymous blogger who has been chronicling Perrino's misdeeds on the blog The Ivory Theatre Horror Show puts it, "Ding Dong the witch is dead."

Mike Allen, co-owner of Red Brick Management, which owns the Ivory, confirmed Perrino's departure.

"We were trying to find ways to broaden our range," Allen says. "Donna's focus was on musical theater. We decided to part ways."

Now Perrino has found a new home on the Goldenrod Showboat, which is currently moored on the Illinois River outside Kampsville, Illinois, about 70 miles due north of St. Louis. The century-old boat has had a long and varied history (for more, see this account by preservationist Michael Allen), but has, in recent years, lapsed into a state of decrepitude.

Steve DeBallis, who published the "historic" Globe-Democrat (the one that reprinted old G-D articles, not the current online revival), bought the boat recently and, under the aegis of his company the Historic Riverboat Preservation Association, plans to restore it to its former glory. Perrino, who is dating DeBallis, has been appointed project manager.

(Comments the Ivory Theatre Horror Show blogger: "As badly as she messed up the Ivory, imagine what she'll do to the poor Goldenrod...")

And even with the departure of Perrino, all is not well at the Ivory. Cast and crew of this summer's production of Cabaret, produced by Perrino, claim they haven't been paid. Red Brick's Allen also says that the theater didn't get paid for the rental.

Perrino herself has been telling people that her partners forced her into bankruptcy in the wake of Cabaret. (Daily RFT could find no record of a bankruptcy under her name in court records.) She did not respond to an email seeking comment.

Cindy Walker has replaced Perrino as the Ivory's general manager, but even with the change in personnel, local companies are still reluctant to stage their productions at the theater.

"It's such a terribly designed space, practically speaking, and it also got run down really fast because Perrino didn't take care of the place," alleges Scott Miller, artistic director of New Line Theatre. (Among Miller's complaints: The raised electrical outlets onstage impede choreography, the stage door was so narrow that sets had to be constructed directly on the stage and, worst of all, there was only one toilet available for the cast and crew to use during intermission.)

Allen hopes that his plan to expand the Ivory's offerings beyond musicals will improve the theater's fortunes. (So far, however, the Ivory's next two shows, Altar Boyz and The Rocky Horror Show are musicals, and the two after that, And the World Goes Round and A Country Christmas, are musical revues.)

"With outside financial support," he says optimistically, "we're even closer to breaking even."
-----------------------

I'll say it again...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 33: Halloween, Part 33

This was posted to the St. Louis Theater chat group today:
-----------------------

I guess Donna Perrino (aka Horror Show) is kinda like Michael Myers...

She posted this comment a couple days ago on a blog about the late, lamented Goldenrod Showboat. Steve DeBellis, mentioned in her post below, is a guy she's been dating. He does not own the new Globe-Democrat which was recently resurrected online, as Horror Show implies, but for seveal years he has been publishing a fake version of the old G-D which reprints past G-D articles (I never understood the point of that).

As badly as she messed up the Ivory, imagine what she'll do to the poor Goldenrod...

Here's Horror Show's post...

August 22, 2010

Hello. I am the Project Manager of the GOLDENROD SHOWBOAT RESTORATION PROJECT/2010. We have just begun the long journey into the process of determining the necessary repairs needed to get this beauty back in business.

The company that currently owns this boat is the Historic Riverboat Preservation Association. It's President is Steve DeBellis, also owner of the Globe Democrat newspaper in St. Louis, MO. We are dedicated to this effort so please give us your help and support.

A new website is on the way and many fundraisers will be held. We welcome your input and information.

Please contact me, Donna Perrino, at my email address until we develop the site: donnastephens69192sbcglobal.net.

Thank you.
Donna Perrino

-----------------------------

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 33: Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead...?

Rumors are flying around town that Horror Show has finally been fired and put out of our misery. A couple people "on the inside" confirm this, but no one has heard anything official...

Hmmmmm.... Is it possible? Has justice finally been done?

And will New Line and the other abused companies come back now?

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 32: West Side Story... I mean, Cabaret...

Family Musical Theatre is currently presenting Cabaret on the Ivory stage, but of course the Ivory website says they're producing West Side Story. It's easy to see how you could get those two mixed up -- pre-war Berlin and 1950s New York...

The only review I've seen of the show complains that the sound was really awful, some of the cast didn't know what they were doing on stage, and best of all, there were no programs!

Now rumors have circulated in the St. Louis Theatre Discussion Group chat list that the Ivory will no longer be a legit theatre after Family Musical Theatre's current contract is up at the end of the year. Apparently, it's going to be just a concert venue for country-western singers.

Because Horror Show is such a profound fuck-up. Once again, no press releases were sent out for this last show, so there were listings for it anywhere. They did buy an ad in the Post with the super clever tag line: "Come see it... You'll like it..." Man, that just HAD to sell tickets, don't you think?

It's so sad that what could have been a really nice new theatre space in St. Louis -- a town where we NEED new theatre spaces -- was so badly designed, so badly managed, and put in the hands of a woman whose elevator rarely gets to the top floor.

Cabaret might be a depressing show, but it's not half as depressing as the story of the Ivory Theatre in St. Louis.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 31: Bland Ambition

Anybody been keeping an eye on the Ivory website? A whole shitload of musicals has turned up on their calendar, but with no indication of who's producing them. If Horror Show thinks she's going to mount a season that ambitious, there's even more hilarity ahead than I thought...

The shows listed for production at the Ivory, all this year, are:
Little Shop of Horrors
The Cotton Club
West Side Story
Annie
Altar Boyz
The World Goes Round
The Rocky Horror Picture Show [sic]
(Will someone please tell her that the stage show is called The Rocky Horror Show, and the movie is called The Rocky Horror Picture Show? How many times has this show been produced locally?)

How on earth does she think big shows like West Side Story and Annie are going to fit on that tiny stage? And seriously, seven musicals (in addition to the Patsy Cline debacle and something named A Country Christmas which is also on the list)...? Even The Muny doesn't do that many musicals in one season!

And if producing her own show is as big a clusterfuck as the illegal Sweet Dreams of Patsy has been, then trying to pull off large-scale Broadway shows is going to make her head explode.

Which can only be a good thing.

But why don't we get to see the hilariously bad musicals she has written??? Remember that disastrous backer's audition she dressed up as a variety show back when the theatre had first opened, when a few dozen unsuspecting strangers were treated -- I'm sorry, I mean subjected -- to scenes from the awful musicals she's written, While You Were Sleeping: The Musical, Equus: The Musical (I wish I was kidding), The 7 Faces of Dr. Lao: The Musical, and most bizarrely, an awkward and clumsy "jazz opera" of some sort... The whole point was supposed to be that Horror show would produce her own shows at the Ivory, and then rich folks would throw fistfuls of money at her to take her shows to Broadway. She really told people that.

Stay tuned...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 30: Hackneyed, Trite, and Implausible, Oh My!

The Sweet Dreams of Patsy review from KDHX has been posted. Sounds like the cast is good. But wait till you get to the third paragraph and the part about how awful Horror Show's unauthorized script is... and how she claims credit for arrangements that aren't hers...

There has never been anyone else quite like Patsy Cline. I've never met anyone who dislikes her, nor even anyone who claims to be ignorant of or indifferent to her legacy. If it seems dissonant to think of her as a "superstar," it may be because her persona was so wholesome, so much an Everywoman. So trying to present her on the stage for a present-day audience is obviously a challenging job. Kudos, then, to Irene Jones, whose memorable work in the title role of Sweet Dreams of Patsy, currently being presented by Perrino Productions at the Ivory Theatre, more than meets our suspension of disbelief and takes by itself nearly all the credit for making an audience very happy.

I hadn't known of Ms. Jones' work as a singer before this, and that's to my regret. Of course, if her singing could actually match that of Patsy Cline herself, she'd have left town for stardom long ago. But what Ms. Jones achieves is a surprisingly valid and compelling reproduction of Patsy Cline's interpretation: by turns subtle, energetic, contemplative, powerful, and vulnerable, always full of life, and always with a sense of ownership of whatever the song was. She hasn't quite the power at the bottom of her range or the control at the top as the real Pasty Cline had. That's a trivial observation, given how easy it is to forget about it as she channels that unique style and personality with such remarkable success.

Ms. Jones is also a talented actor, at least while she's singing. It would be enough that her physical type is comparable to Patsy Cline's, but in fact, part of what she delivers in the songs is a joy in singing that somehow seems to belong to the character rather than to the actor-singer, and that is a noteworthy acting accomplishment. But she's very poorly served by trite and implausible dialogue (written by producer Donna Perrino), and at least partly as a result of that, she comes off seeming to be less.

Steve Isom has a nice turn as Arthur Godfrey, and Judith MacDonald is entertaining as Minnie Pearl. Thom Crain, as the manager, Owen Bradley, has the burden of the dialogue and narration, and I think he does as well with it as anyone could, but again, it's too hackneyed to be acted well. The six-piece band (Justin Branum on fiddle; Tim Sullivan on piano; John Jump on guitar; Rich Smith on pedal steel; Jeremy Phieffer on bass, and KDHX's own Fred Gumear on percussion) makes the music feel effortless, which means, of course, that a lot of effort probably went into it, or a lot of talent, and the musicians' rapport with Ms. Jones seems very comfortable. The arrangements are credited to Ms. Perrino, though they mostly sound like decent by-ear reproductions of what's heard on the old Patsy Cline recordings. The sound engineering by Dan Kury is flawless. -- Daniel Higgins

Now maybe Horror Show will finally realize how profoundly untalented she is. Then again, who am I kidding -- just look who we're talking about here, a woman less connected to reality than Courtney Love. It'll be someone else's fault. Just watch.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 29: Horror Show the Outlaw

Posted to the St. Louis Theatre Discusson Group this week:

The person who holds the rights to the show contacted me over a month ago and told me to remove the [Sweet Dreams of Patsy] auditions on stlAuditions.com as they had did not have any legal authority to produce the show at the Ivory Theater. Since the audition was already over I did delete the entry, but I never saw such an angry attorney who represented the estate of Patsy Cline, who apparently wants nothing to do with the Ivory Theater and you know who.

And then there's another post:

This made my laugh so hard! I received a Patsy Cline press release today, and at the top is a quote from the woman who wrote this unauthorized show and is producing it. Amazing how much she loves herself...

Here's the quote --"In this production, the GRAND OLE OPRY meets ST. LOUIS! This wonderful, heartfelt production brings back the TRUE sound and culture of Professional Live Country Music. It's surely one of the best original shows in St. Louis." – Donna Perrino, Producer

The release then calls the show "a profound and enlightening musical." Seriously? Profound?

Oh yeah, and there was this one too, from the person who oversees the theatre reviewers at KDHX radio:

Does anyone know whether this is actually happening or not? I've got a reviewer lined up but calling the phone number on the web site only gets me a "memory full" message from the voice mail and I haven't had any response to my email. The show is still listed at the site, but it would be nice if my critic knew whether or not there was going to be a show to review.

They're due to open their illegal production tomorrow night, and it looks like Horror Show fully intends to, even without permission from the rights holder. Who wants to bet that the owners of the theatre don't even know there is a legal problem...?

It'll be fun to watch this play out...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 28: And Then There Were None...

Quick news from the local theatre Grapevine...

Both the leading actress and the director have apparently dropped out of Sweet Dreams of Patsy.

And I believe there might still be a legal shoe to drop before this is all over. From all reports, Horror Show still does not have the rights to Patsy Cline's song catalog. We'll wait and see...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 27: WWHSD?

Apparently, the Ivory Theatre is being used for theatre so infrequently that it's actually becoming a church again -- The King is Coming Christian Church.

Shakespeare himself couldn't have come up with a stranger on-going drama...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 26: It's Alive!

It's true! Horror Show is mounting yet another Patsy Cline show! The folks who brought us A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline in 2008 refuse to return after all the abuse and dishonesty they encountered at the Ivory. And I'm told the people who control the other Cline show, Forever Patsy Cline, talked to the folks who did the first production and decided they did not want to be involved with Horror Show in any way. So now she's either found or written a third Cline show, this time called Sweet Dreams of Patsy.

Anybody wanna lay bets on whether she has the legal performnace rights to the Cline catalog? I bet she doesn't... Remember, she approached Cline's husband about creating a new piece and he said No.

Here's the audition notice for the show posted last month on STLAuditions.com:

Auditions: SWEET DREAMS OF PATSY

The IVORY Theatre, in association with Perrino Productions LLC is producing SWEET DREAMS OF PATSY—a new musical theatre tribute to PATSY CLINE. Because of its success at the IVORY in 2008, it is being mounted again due to high public demand.

Now here is the first Big Lie. This show was not at the Ivory in 2008 and is not being mounted "again."

Casting Equity and/or non-Equity actors. All roles are paid positions.
REHEARSALS: JANUARY 4 - 27, 2010.
PERFORMANCE DATES: Preview weekend: January 28, 29, 30, 31; (4 shows)
FEBRUARY 2 - 7 (8 shows);
FEBRUARY 9 - 14 (8 shows);

Casting:
OWEN BRADLEY Actor: Middle-age 1950’s Nashville businessman.
MOTHER Actress: Late 50’s.
AUTHER GODFREY Actor: 1950’s television host.
MINNIE PEARL Actress/comedian/singer. Late 30’s, country femaleGrand Ole' Opry.

Auditions by “appointment only” at the IVORY Theatre -- December 1st – 4p.m.-6p.m.. Bring a short monologue. We’ll also have you read a section of the script/cold reading. Please schedule your audition by email to: donnastephens6919@sbcglobal.net if you are serious about auditioning and cannot make this date, please email your conflict to us and we will try to reschedule you at a later time.

And I have to ask (because it's so much fun) why "appointment only" is in quotes -- does she mean it ironically or sarcastically?

I'll be amazed if this thing ever actually makes it to the stage. How many Ivory-related projects has Horror Show started but never finished? Let's see... the children's troupe, the classes, the outdoor jazz concerts...

The saga continues.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 25: How to Humiliate the Actors

Heard about this earlier this week...

This new story comes from someone who was actually in the audience for this latest insanity from Crazy Ol' Horror Show...

Family Musical Theatre, the community theatre that is still trapped at the Ivory (in fact, the only company still working there regularly), was producing A Chorus Line. Near the end of one performance (that we know of), Horror Show placed herself down in front of the stage, over to one side, where she was completely visible to the audience, from which she watched the show's finale. That's bad enough...

Then the minute the finale is over, Horror Show pivots and turns to the audience, still down in front of the stage -- this is her show now! And throughout the entire curtain call, she's clapping loudly, like Tinkerbell is gonna die if she stops, but even worse, she is gesturing for the audience to get up and give the show a standing ovation. She's screaming at the top of her lungs, "Stand up! Stand up! Aren't they great?" And she actually forces the audience to give the show a standing O. No shit.

I hear the FMT people were outraged and made it clear to her that she is never to do that again. Except we all know she will... It makes me think she's never been in a damn theatre before this!

She really needs to see a professional. Or at least be one.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 24: Memories of Bad Management

This forwarded email showed up in my in-box this a.m. --

Steve Davis (Memories of Elvis) was supposed to do three shows at the Ivory last year, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. [Horror Show] told him they would publicize it and they didn’t want him to do any publicity. Suffice it to say that they didn’t even run an ad in the Riverfront Times. Steve’s fans follow him really closely, so they know where he’s going to be, and they started calling the Ivory box office to get tickets. No one answered. For days no one answered. Steve's manager finally got [Horror Show] on the phone and asked her, and she said that there had been someone in the box office the whole time, but no one was calling to buy tickets. So Steve's manager was taking ticket orders herself from fans off of Steve’s website and then going in and buying them – like fifty at a time.

Instead of doing three full shows with full band, horns, girls, etc., he couldn’t afford to do more than the band, and for an act that can sell out the Pageant he couldn’t get tickets sold fast enough to sell out any of the performances, because the only way people could get tickets was if they asked Steve's manager for them. It was a horrible experience for Steve.

Not a surprise, though, right?

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 23: Karma Is a Bitch

Just heard this through the grapevine over the weekend. Horror Show has been unable to get the rights to bring back to St. Louis A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline or to produce the other Cline tribute show, Always...Patsy Cline. It seems word has spread about the way Horror Show runs her little sandbox and no one dares to get involved with this woman.

So she decided to try a new approach...

The grapevine (and this one is usually pretty reliable) says Horror Show called Patsy Cline's husband and told him she was writing her own Patsy Cline show and needed the rights to all her songs. After all, Horror Show does write musicals (if you define "musicals" really loosely). Cline's husband asked if he could read Horror Show's script, but she refused, claiming that someone might steal it if she sent him a copy. Since she wouldn't let him see a script or tell him anything about her intentions, he refused to give her rights.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 22: Never...Patsy Cline

More Patsy Cline news...

Last time I checked the Ivory Theatre website, the show Always...Patsy Cline, which was being produced by Horror Show's production company, Triangle Productions (yes, that's as in "the Bermuda Triangle," no doubt), was running at the Ivory March 11-April 12, 2009. You can still see the dates in Google's cache of that page.

But not no more!

Has Horror Show fucked up yet another show, before it even opened this time??? So she couldn't get A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline back because of all the abuse and dishonesty last year, and she instead announced this replacement production, but now that one's dead too...?

This bitch could screw up a one-car parade, I swear to God.

All she's got left is two community theatres. I remember when the Ivory was going to house professional theatre companies, when it was going to be a place to tryout new shows before New York. I remember when Horror Show was going to employ local artists to teach classes and workshops, to write new shows. There were going to be jazz concerts on the front lawn during the summer months. There was going to be a restaurant in the rectory next door where cabaret performances would happen after shows. People were going to be making money hand over fist.

Yeah, right.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 21: No It Isn't.

I just stopped by the Ivory Theatre website to see if they're ever going to produce the Patsy Cline show that Horror Show had posted the audition notices for. But nope, apparently, that's a big bust just like everything else she touches.

And on the site's homepage, I noticed this little passage, which cracked me up...

The Ivory Theatre is a an exciting year-round professional theatre facility presenting a diverse calendar of musicals, dramas, comedies, concerts, cabaret performances, youth and family theatre programs, corporate functions and special events that appeal to all levels and styles of entertainment tastes.

Ummmm.... No it isn't.

It has no drama or cabaret or youth programs or corporate functions or special events anywhere on the calendar. Just community theatre. After all of Horror Show's belly-aching last year about how the Ivory is Professional and the original resident companies weren't professional enough for her, it is mildly hilarious that her only solid tenant now is a community theatre.

And just because I'm like this, I have to ask what an entertainment "level" is, anyway...? And while we're asking, what is a "style" of "entertainment tastes"?

Oops! I almost forgot -- we're talking about Horror Show here! Meaning and sense are just collateral damage in her ongoing War on Honesty and Ethics. Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more...!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 20: Patsy Cline in Hell

Donna Perrino, aka Horror Show, has put out an audition notice for another production of A Closer Walk with Patsy Cline, the show she mangled and mismanaged last season. The funniest part is that she's holding auditions for the five-piece band as well, apparently not aware that theatres do not generally audition musicians.

Significantly, Gail Bliss who starred in the production at the Ivory last season, is not returning. That can hardly be a surprise considering the wild and bizarre abuse Bliss and the rest of the cast and staff suffered under Perrino's pudgy hand.

But now the folks who saw the show last year may well buy tickets to come see it again, thinking they're going to get the remarkable Gail Bliss in the title role. As talented as the talent pool is here in the Lou, is there anyone here who can sing and look like Patsy Cline? We're told that Cline's husband has seen Bliss do the show and told her he had never seen anyone capture Cline like she does. Odds are there's not another performer like that here in town. Cline had a very unique voice...

But all that aside, who in the St. Louis theatre community would work with Perrino after the gobs of press coverage about her abuses and insanity? Let's hope whoever considers auditioning will take a look at this humble compendium of horrors first... And if they do get hired, let's hope they demand to be paid in cash and in advance! Perrino has a nasty little habit of bouncing checks and refusing to pay people... Just ask the folks who did the Patsy Cline show last time...

The adventure continues.

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 19: Predator vs. Family Musical Theatre

Family Musical Theatre, a community theatre group, was the last of the local companies to agree to use the Ivory before all the bad press hit the public. Though they usually only produce one show each summer, Horror Show pressured them into agreeing to do three shows a year.

And she also lied to them through her crooked yellowed teeth. Surprise!

The Ivory has a very small stage for a legit theatre, big enough for a small concert or even a very small show, but not a big, old-fashioned musical. And that's what Family Musical Theatre does -- big, old-fashioned musicals with casts of 40-50 people, including kids and seniors. Unfortunately for them, the Ivory's dressing rooms can accommodate only about fifteen people comfortably. And there is no Green Room and there is very little room backstage. When the Family Musical Theatre folks first came to see the Ivory, a few well-placed ears overheard Horror Show lying to them about how many the dressing rooms could hold, how many the stage could hold, how much room there was backstage, how much she would help with promotion and PR, etc. And because the man who runs the company uses a wheelchair, he was unable to get up on stage or backstage to see that Horror Show was lying. Leave it to Horror Show to take advantage of someone's disability.

Although I'm told that before they moved in, they did read this blog...

Of course, while FMT ran "Anything Goes" in July, they ran into some of the same abuses everyone else has suffered through -- no one ever came to clean the bathrooms or restock them, no one cleaned the theatre, and they received virtually no support whatsoever. Horror Show loves telling people the Ivory is a "professional" theatre, yet how many professional theatres have no support staff and never get cleaned? How many professional theatres house only community theatre groups? Then again, how many professional theatres are run by compulsive liars? Hopefully only this one.

It's fun to check out the comically lean Ivory calendar of upcoming shows -- it includes "Anything Goes" in June even though it was actually in July (Horror Show gets dates wrong a lot); and a one-weekend FMT event, the Rodgers and Hammerstein revue, "A Grand Night for Singing" in September. They had had a two-weekend show in October scheduled called "Deeper Shade of Blues" produced by something called "The Producers Group," but it disappeared from the calendar (I guess the producers heard about Horror Show!). Then there are two performances of one of Horror Show's awful kiddie Halloween shows; and four performances in November of FMT doing a community theatre musical called "Something's Afoot." And that's it. For the whole season. If you click on the "Coming Attractions" link on their website homepage, it takes you to a blank page. How fitting.

So the Ivory will be open only 16 nights in the next several months. I wonder exactly how they'll make the $6,000 a month they say they need to break even... Does Horror Show have any plans at all on how to fill this theatre and with what...?

I'm sure there will be more stories to come. Until then...

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor

Episode 18: Lock Up Your Kids!

Horror Show is now peddling a "Summer Theatre Forum." Of course, it's not really a forum (a public meeting to talk about public issues); it's actually cluelessly ill-conceived classes for kids. I guess she doesn't know what "forum" means... but all things considered, that's not really a surprise, is it?

This "forum" is under the auspices of the Ivory's Kids On Stage program, a name she half-stole from Robin Berger's Leaping Lizards On Stage, from back when Robin had agreed to work with her. This is a program Horror Show has been running ads for since last fall, even though it has never yet even existed -- mostly because she expected Robin to do all the work for her (which is a longstanding pattern with Horror Show) and Robin has run away from the Ivory along with everybody else.

At a recent performance at the Ivory, Horror Show distributed these amateurish-looking packets, just sheets of paper stapled in the corner, to promote her summer program. On the front page they say, "All KIDS ON STAGE students will learn theatre arts and technical stage crafts and will also be a part of the FINAL SHOW PRODUCTION on August 3rd -- MAKE A WISH -- at the IVORY Theatre. Register for 1, 2, 3 or 4 weeks of strong and professional performing arts instruction at the new IVORY Theatre. It's an exciting way to meet new friends with similar interests, work with caring theatre professionals while experiencing theatre arts." Then in bold, italics, AND underline, it says "Don't miss this opportunity!!"

Holy cow! That sounds like a threat! And will someone tell her the term is "stagecraft," not "stage crafts." We're not talking about macaroni pictures of comedy and tragedy faces... or are we? Also, why is "IVORY" always in all-caps? Is it an acronym for something? Like maybe "I'm very obnoxious and a real yahoo"...?

The best part of the packet is A Brief Synopsis of a "Hands-On" Performance Program (also bolded and underlined, though not italicized this time). When you read this, you'll swear I'm making it up because much of it doesn't make any sense, but this is really what she wrote. Notice how much she loves using meaningless quotation marks. Here it is, exactly as it is in the packet, clumsy punctuation and all:

KIDS ON STAGE combines the artistic skills of acting, music and dance in a theatrical environment in order to assist and provide young people with a more defined approach to:
-- Positive Behavioral Understanding;
-- Good Decision-Making Skills;
-- Situation Analysis;
-- Comprehension and Appreciation for the Arts.
-- Character Building and Self-Esteem

In today's society -- community violence, peer regard, television/movie products, computer accessibility, divided homes and educational difficulties have led our youth into great confusion concerning their life path and the choices they need to make in order for it to develop into a productive existence. It has become increasingly more difficult for young people to advance in positive directions due to their lack of understating and analysis of situations and people in their community and what they "perceive" to be their surroundings. Young people start out with the same dreams, hopes, and aspirations as Mozart, Mick Jagger, Kennedy, Whitney Houston, Stan Musial and Ted Drewes; however, their path is much more confusing today and it demands more decision-making skills.

KIDS ON STAGE is a theatrical program that takes all theatrical art forms such as acting, music, dance, costuming, lighting, set design, and group management and utilizes them for the benefit of providing a fun and accessible learning product and experience for youth. This theatrically artistic vehicle is able to mirror a set of circumstances that are pertinent yet detached from the student, introduce conflict and complete the process with positive resolution thereby introducing the "actors/students" to alternative ideas, behaviors and patterns that will lead them to positive life-long productivity and happiness -- as well as be great fun.

Theatre skills and the artistic use of music can successfully combine thereby introducing the support platform of "audible" emotional control, inspiration and association. For example: It may be disturbing to combine a picture of a delicate flower with a drum solo -- the flower is usually associated with "beauty" as well as supported emotionally with the lush sounds of strings, piano and harp. These same types of pre-conceived, learned associations are prevalent in daily life. Learned concepts are found within family groups, educational classroom settings, and basic society structures. They are around us daily and have increased dramatically with the complexity of our society -- yet the definitions and positive decision making skills have become cloudy and young people are lacking in their understandings.

KIDS ON STAGE program takes a positive step toward combining theatre arts and the youth of today and allows the young people to learn to make mistakes as well as have experience successes without the dangers of permanent punishment or failure. By utilizing the strength of "Make-Believe", that is common to all young people, we can shape understandings, encourage their desire for achievement and assist them with their daily living units such as the family and school to make a continued positive impression that is laced with skills that will carry them throughout their lives.

Please peruse the following brief structure for the KIDS ON STAGE Workshops. We feel that all young people enrolled in the program will improve their concentration and focus skills as they continue to draw from their imaginations. The students will also understand that all "projects" are formed through the collective efforts of many people with many different types of skills. The IVORY Theatre is an excellent example for the students in order to expose them to the power of lighting, sound, direction, costuming, set design, music and backstage help. All work as a fine tuned engine -- one is never more important than the other.

Theatre is team attitude, team efforts, team support, and team achievement. Thank you.

I don't know what "permanent punishment" is, but it sounds like something you could find on Cinemax late at night. Also, I think young people can "learn to make mistakes" without anybody's help. In fact, that's always been a specialty of young people, hasn't it...?

Horror Show is offering six different classes, all Monday-Friday for four weeks, which she'll never be able to fill. The class descriptions are so funny and illiterate that I have to quote them too. She's heard a lot of theatre terms but doesn't exactly know what they mean or how to use them... Notice the meaningless use of quotes again in the last description...

Acting for the Stage, ages 7-10. Learn to create characters in a story, become familiar with staging and acting directions and play a role in the... (Builds character and self-esteem.) Final Performance. (Snacks included.)

Acting for the Stage, ages 11-14. Learn to create characters in a story, become familiar with stage phrases and directions and play a role in the... Final Performance. (Snacks included.)

Acting for the Stage, ages 15-17. Character analysis, scene blocking, presentation and projection, performance and role understanding -- (Great college prep course.) Final Performance

Technical Theatre, ages 12-17. Assist with designing professional lighting and sound systems for final performance project with professional designers. (Students learn that all "roles" are valuable in all endeavors.)

Music/Vocals, ages 9-16. Professional music instruction -- reading and voice. Be a part of the IVORY's Children Chorus! (Great fun!)

Contemporary Dance, ages 9-16. Special workshop studying "dance" from 1700s to date. It incorporates the music, dress, styles and "reasons" for movement in human society. (This is really educational and great fun.)

Did you know that the 1700s were "contemporary"? I did not. And why are "dance" and "reasons" in quotes? Did someone say those, or is she being sarcastic? Also, me personally, I think it sucks that the older kids don't get snacks. If I was 16, I'd be pissed!

Sic Semper Tyrannis!
An Ivory Survivor